his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
