You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
