I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
