I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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