He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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