We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
