Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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