i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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