I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
