You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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