Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
