he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
