Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
