hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
