You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
