You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
