just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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