they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
