There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He did a backflip because drugs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
