i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
