The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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