Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
