My first STD was from a foam party
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
