This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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