even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can't talk, ducks in the car
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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