I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Randomize
