Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
