I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
