She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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