my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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