brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's paint friendship bongs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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