I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
