What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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