Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
