I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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