Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Houston, we have a squirter
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
