I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
