I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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