having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
