ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
