i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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