So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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