i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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