Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
