If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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