I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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