I'm jealous of your bromance
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
