I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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