who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
