the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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