need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is Oprah even human
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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