dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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