Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
