dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
